its hard to understand how things work if you don't have an idea what it is, to begin with. you may have an idea what are the parts do, but doesn't fully understand the mechanics on how it'll go. its weird when something changes and you are left with no idea what to do with it.
right now, i'm a month or so away from giving birth to my 2nd baby. i'm at the crossroads where i really don't know where i'm supposed to go. i have sacrificed a lot already for my family. my hubby is happy with his new job (coz it is another milestone in his career)... i'm stuck with taking care of my eldest and in danger of losing my job because of that... i want to prove to myself that i'm worth something other than being a wife and a mother. though being a mother is a 24/7 job, i am happy seeing and being with my daughter all the time. but when you think about providing financially, it sometimes becomes a hindrance. i'm having a difficulty finding a "yaya" for amar and yet everyone seems not to mind it. i just wish someone would really offer a helping hand for me to able to go to work at least 2x a week.
i have decided to go work abroad by 2009. my hubby's job is good and has a lot of growing opportunities. i'm just starting my new job. i want my mom to stay at home when i work abroad so she could take care of the kids. i don't plan on going back here anymore. i want to leave everything, sacrifice my happiness for the sake of financially satisfying everyone. i even told my hubby that he can get a new wife as soon as i leave the country (seriously). it hurts me to say it and more to accept that it can be a fact soon. i just want everyone to be happy.
so there, those are my sentiments right now. i guess pregnant women are really sensitive... ciao for now.
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